its so easy to just walk away.



its okay i am used to it.
disappointment, that sinking feeling?

i am trying hard already alright.
please show me a sign that you are too.

i can safely say that 2010 had a great start and i am not just procastinating and putting my plans into action. i am not lagging behind in tutorials except p and c, and still manage to slot in time for revision amidst all the different commitments that i have.

hopefully i can maintain this pace so that it can last all the way till As. should start counting down soon, maybe i would when it comes down to the hundreds.

staying upbeat, happy and optimistic is a great way to focus :)



i dont think i have much of a need to blog anymore haha.

wow looks like i am returning to bio! hahaha surprised.


cant sleep.



i think its a different world i am stepping into, maybe thats why its weird. but i think my worries are unfounded.

i have not been updating my blog! possibly because life has been such a hurry in a way that i cannot explain. in a blink of an eye the new year has arrived. i dont even feel prepared for 2010, which is my moment. all 12 years of education, to sit for this important A levels, where your grades would determine the course you want to take, which would then determine the level of pay you would receive.

they say life is not just about material comfort and all, but its a real world we live in. the world is getting more competitive as all the different countries open up their markets, literacy levels go up, everyone wants to make money. not that i am all fanatic about striking it rich and be a millionaire, since life is indeed not all about that. i want to follow my passions too, to live the dreams like people do, yet make a decent income.

but i guess this is part of life too right? there has got to be a sacrifice. to maintain the levels of this lifestyle which i consider to be very comfortable, and provide this same lifestyle to my parents and my little sis in future, along with my own possible family, i really really really feel the pressure to do well. because basically, its just like your last shot. i just have to though i dont know how to.

the thing is, i am really at a loss. i have never been an overachiever, rather i never wanted to be. doing amazingly well is just for smart, nerds, muggers, geniuses, which just isnt me. you cant even describe me with any of these words. somehow, throughout my life, i have always been able to scrape through with that little bit of intellect. i could not slack and put in significantly less hard work, and during the end, give myself a little push, do all the last minute work, let that little intellect do the talking. and i could make it.
maybe thats why i have always been overconfident, underestimating exams, and its no surprise if that attitude leaked into my life and habits too. being late, leaving things to the last minute. but i dont want to change. i like being that comfortable, doing things at my own pace. maybe i like the challenge of giving a handicap, and then overcome things against the odds, which would definitely sweeten whatever victory you achieve, and yet at the same time provide an excuse when you fail. you can just say, sorry i just didnt put in enough effort.

but its a whole new ball game now. study habits have to change, mindsets have to change. i know i am typing this to try to remind myself to change myself, but its just so difficult. promos wasnt enough of a shock was it? you just had to waste your holidays, thinking, doing rubbish, daydreaming, idling, not putting time into good use. you know you FAILED promos, and you merely advanced maybe not by merit, but with teacher's recommendation or whatever red tape i dont know. holiday homework is such a nuisance. i actually told myself to do revision for all the things that have gone wrong after the homework, but i cant even bring myself to finish my homework. as i am typing this post, i am trying to evenly spread out the remaining minimum amount of holiday homework left remaining between the last few days leading up to reopening of school. trying hard to finish this bio package which i told myself to complete after i finish typing this post.

i am losing this battle of will, somewhere in me says that promos was a fluke, you can do better than that, and you just happened to not feel good during those days.




but that was in 2009. right now, i am still living in 2009. i can still afford to indulge myself with this mindset for a little while more. 1st january came too early. This blurry and awesome week started only 2 hours before the 2nd jan came knocking to tell you "hey its officially the new year." i am very happy and this is definitely the happiest period of my 2009. but i know the indulgences will end very soon.

my 2010 starts on 11th jan. make good on my promise, change yourself mr kuek. there is no time.




and you, i know you'd help me. :) its really my biggest blessing to have known you.


i'd probably not return to my bio package, for now.
till then! ^^